finding you

This is a poem from the beginning of the last time I fell in love. When I rediscovered it, it surprised me how much devotion can exist after knowing someone for just a few months. The certainty kind of startled me tbh, but I think there's something beauitful about it, too. It was real. The entire thing is organized around a covenant: 'I choose you' and a loop: hope being sent into the world, and hope returned.

For so long I wove through the rooms of my life, Baby flowers in my hands. I planted them in every corner of the world Writing love letters on the petals Hoping one day someone would read them.

I started this poem before I knew you Before I knew what you looked like Or what your favorite colors were Before I knew if you loved the rain Or the sea.

I just knew that when I met you I would choose to love you.

And I kept that promise- As you sat across from me in that empty restaurant, I felt the ghosts of feelings I’d forgotten existed. I was held hostage by your eyes And the way your mouth moved as you spoke.

You liked texture, you said, and eating with your hands.

We jumped from one thought to another Our menus sprawled out in front of us And our waitress came back Again and again But we were never ready to order.

I chose to love you that night And I haven’t stopped since.

I choose to love you each day I am with you I choose to love you during the day Staring at the sky together in the early morning Watching the ants on my porch Scooping chunks of watermelon out with our spoons.

I choose to love you at night Walking hand in hand through fields of fireflies Kicking a soccer ball while waiting for falafel 2am picnics on a football field Sitting in your car, our fingers rubbing together Our favorite music on empty roads.

I choose to love you when you are happy Watching the creases around your mouth deepen when you smile.

I choose to love you when you are hurt And to hold you when you need me.

I choose to love you when I am alone. In empty hallways In rooms full of people I choose you.

I used to weave through the rooms in my life Baby flowers in my hands. Planting them everywhere Poetry etched onto their skin. I expected nothing in return.

Then one day I found a flower With a letter written to me.

You are my flower And I promise to walk through these storms together To understand you as you grow And to love you, always.